Disappointment

Before any of you judge me with any comments or whatever, I just want to emphasise that I'm a human (actually, half-Asgardian) and I have feelings. Some of you who actually take the time to read this post might think I'm an ungrateful girl and the next 10 year version of me might even think I'm being ungrateful, but I really need to express a feeling right now; disappointment. Oh and sad too.

Actually these feelings has left my heart yesterday night. In fact, right now I'm currently listening to Michael Jackson's Love Never Felt So Good featuring Justin Timberlake. A song never sound so good omG. 

But anyway, yeah. I was very disappointed and sad. You see I applied for university in several state universities. I applied through SNMPTN, SBMPTN, and SIMAK for University of Indonesia. I studied really hard for the tests except SNMPTN since it's direct admission.

I joined the intensive class for these tests preparation for like one and a half month. Full time! From 1 PM to 5 PM. I even studied at home, again, because I really need to master it. Okay, maybe not as hard as some other students and I do take a lot of breaks as well but it's not like I didn't study at all! 

I always came to class. Maybe not 100% attendance but I dare to say that my attendance is 90%. My try outs score didn't turn out to be that bad! I was a science student during high school (I still kind of regret the fact that I chose science pathway but the past is the past) thus always being in the top 10 for social science is not bad at all. Believe me, I am grateful for that.

However it turned out that I didn't pass the tests. Any of the three I just mentioned. Since I still wanted to go to state universities, I went to Malang and Surabaya with my dad. I signed up for 2 other state universities.

This time I didn't study as hard as I did for the previous tests, but I still study a little bit. During the test, I actually felt like I nailed it. I thought maybe I had a chance. However God has another plan for me. 

I was so disappointed because some of my friends who didn't even study as hard as I did, passed the tests. What I also hate is that some people kept trying to cheer me up by being wise and said, "Don't be sad! God has the best plan for you!" 

Yes, I know that God will always have the plans for me. Always. But the more you say 'Don't be sad', the more I get sad. I really really want to study in state university. I want to know how it feels like to go to a state institution since I'm always a private school girl. 

I also want to make my parents proud. Many of my parents' nieces and nephews went and still go to state universities. I want to make them proud by getting in to state universities as well. Apparently God has a better plan for me in a private university.

Now I have completely moved on from it. I am happy to say that I am a private university's student. I am very proud to say that I am a university student. I am also proud to say that I am a student at Pelita Harapan University. I thank them for accepting me. I hope I will make great memories there!

And I thank my parents for not demanding too much from me. I'm glad that they are very supportive and wherever I go they seem to be okay with it.

:)

P.S. The announcement for SBMPTN was exactly on my 18th birthday so please understand how sad I was.